Saturday, January 30, 2010

On depression, and other mental things...

Well, I seem to be having an issue around the weekend. I don't know if it has any correlation to the plan I'm following or not, but I have a rest day from exercising on Thursday, and that seems to fuck me up on Friday, which leads to fucking everything up till Tuesday, when the week restarts. So that is an issue that I will have to assess.
Also, my sleep pattern has decided to get all fucked up again. So, I don't fall asleep until very late, and then I wake up very late, and it's just not a good rhythm for me. Of course, continuing the saga, it goes if I have sleep that is not restful, or am woken up before I have slept enough, I am in a shit depressed mood all fucking day and it just gets worse. I'm sleeping too much these last few days. So let's just cross out the fucking sleep box, cause there ain't shit it's doing to help me out.
If you can see where this is going, just skip it and come back later to a different post.
So I stay up later cause I can't fall asleep, and i eat more than I should, which fucks up that day's numbers for the plan, which makes me feel like shit and a failure, cause I fucked up a decent day on the plan, and well, you'd think I was used to it all by now.
And to top all of that shit off, I had another "nightmare" last night. Thankfully, none of it has anything to do with combat or Iraq (at least that I can remember) but it adds to the fucked-upness of my sleep.
This is my life with major depression and post-traumatic stress and traumatic brain injury. Ain't it fucking GREAT.

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