Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Walkin, yes indeed

I walked another 6.64 miles today, add that to yesterday's 6.71, and we're doing pretty well. Have to admit though, my dogs are barkin. Oh well.

Week 14 is upon us.

Look on your left and you will see the new ticker numbers. That's right, I have lost 25 pounds. Last week alone I lost 4 pounds. However, I only exercised once, and I didn't really track any food consumption, so I am surprised I lost at all.

Anyway, I am getting ready to go out to the garage and make sure the area around the bowflex is cleaned and I am able to use the machine. It's high time I get that added to my workout regimen. Also need to take a picture today to show what the changes have been in this first 90 day phase. It's amazing to me that I have completed 90 days of this, haven't quit, and continue to work on it despite the occasional setback and the constant depression.

Thanks to all of you out there for your comments and compliments and faith. FGSO

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

not bad today.

I am still extremely socially inept. But there's nothing that's gonna fix that anytime soon.

However, I did go walking today, even though I felt really really depressed. I walked for over 6.5 miles in the light rain. Motivating!

FGSO

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Took my medicine, feeling better

So, once again, I stopped exercising on Sunday, and this week was pure depression hell. I went walking yesterday for 5 miles, at a 16-minute pace, and feel absolutely great. It's awesome that I now have a tool to fight my depression, it just sucks that it's difficult to use sometimes. Anyway, I am doing well, thanks for everyone's concern. I am going to Connecticut for the weekend. Hope yall enjoy the weather.

FGSO

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

struggling

ive been struggling to keep it all together the last couple of days. i have been depressed since saturday night. i'm lonely dejected depressed and just overall shitty. i havent exercised since saturday and i am two seconds from a pretty bad mental breakdown. so i'm kinda screwed here.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Week 13.

Gained two pounds. I don't fucking understand this shit. I also don't fucking care. So fuck this shit. Thanks for visiting.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Monday Mumblings...

Well, we got Friday Five, why not bookend the week with Monday Mumblings? Here goes:

Got a job offer today, which is great, but am worried I will not get the job because of an incident on my DMV record. So here I am today worrying about it. Which is stupid, cause I can neither change the past nor predict the future, and it makes no sense to worry twice. So while I know this, I still am all screwy in my mind, which is preventing me from being excited about possibly having finally gotten a job. So here I sit, not happy, but worrying over something I have no control over. Boy does this suck.

On a food log note, Saturday night was the Installation Dinner for my Dad's Volunteer Ambulance Company. I ate all sorts of good stuff, but did not stuff myself. Sunday I ate some leftovers, and all, but did not log the food intake. Today I have had only a stuffed breakfast sandwich so far. I eat again in about an hour.

Hope everyone is doing well today. FGSO

Saturday, March 20, 2010

social.

I attended a social function tonight. I have come to realize that I am not overly social. I want to be. Sometimes I am. I have given this a lot of thought, and although the norm is if one is not social, then they are antisocial. I'm not sure if I qualify for that. I mean, sure, just like sometimes I am social, sometimes I am antisocial. But the rest of the time I think I would term myself as nonsocial. Not actively being social or antisocial. Just simply not engaging in either. I don't really know how to be social. I am definitely not the type of person who is able to walk up to a person or group of people I don't know, and start a conversation. I don't know how, and it is uncomfortable for me. Sure, the basic fear of rejection is there, but for me I think there is a deeper underlying fear. I sometimes think that I am so unlike these people I encounter, that there is no way that I could possibly fit in. And that fear comes from lots of life experiences. After my mom died when I was ten, I realized that I was now "different" than everyone else. Add to that the angry depression that characterized my teenage years, and I was no longer a happy-go-lucky person. So I was "different" and also not happy so social things were quite difficult. There was a time in high school that things were better, and I was so ready to goto college, where I would be able to live on my own and become who I wanted to be. Five days after I arrived at college, my nana died. So once again, I was reminded of being "different." I also lapsed back into a depression that made being around people difficult. But I was able to make a group of friends whom I met through ROTC, and they were my peer group through my college years. I had a girlfriend for over two years as well. And then September 11th happened. I became depressed again. Being from New York but so far away, made it difficult for me to concentrate on being in college at that time. In the days and weeks after, once again, I felt "different." I couldn't understand how everyone seemed to be able to shrug it off, to just get back into the normal daily stuff, hang out, laugh at jokes and have a good time. I couldn't understand how everyone around me seemed OK with what had happened, while I was decidedly not OK with it. I began blowing off classes and even ROTC, I spent more time at the bar, and finally came to the realization that maybe I didn't really belong at college. Maybe being surrounded by all these people whom I was "different" then was not the right thing. I decided to enlist in the Marine Corps, rather than stay at college for two more years and become an officer. So three months after 9/11, I enlisted. In January of 2002, I attended recruit training and became a Marine. When I returned to college in the Fall of 2002, the "difference" between me and the rest of the people around me became much clearer and well-defined. I was now a Marine, trained to serve my country, waiting only for the call; while the people around me seemed alien to me. In some ways it was a shift in perspective -- maybe I wasn't the different one, maybe they were. But that shift didn't solve anything. In January 2003 I was called up, and off I went to fight a war half a world away. When I returned, there was literally no way I could see myself as fitting in with anyone there who had not just come back from Iraq. Two years later, I would come back from Iraq again, this time having lost my best friend in combat, and I could not equate myself with anyone I met. It's been five years since I returned, and while most of the Iraq-related things have been processed, I'm still not sure that I ever really felt "normal" and included with the social world around me.

Please forgive me, I am not proofreading this, so I'm not sure if it is coherent, or even makes sense. I just wanted to get it out of my brain so that I may end up seeing a new perspective on it, or realizing something. I haven't yet. But maybe in time. Or maybe you will and you might have some insight to share. Who knows. All I'm saying is, it would be nice every once in a while to be socially OK.

Friday, March 19, 2010

the Friday Five - 3/19

Welcome to another edition of the Friday Five. This week we're going to run down the five best things from this past week.

1. Went out to a social event and met new people!
2. Bought new running shoes.
3. Started to run.
4. Continued working towards my weight loss goal.
5. Have some job possibilities on the horizon.

Of course, I also want to mention my family being very supportive. I spent some time yesterday with my Dad and we had dinner together, which was nice.

That's it kiddies, enjoy!

up in the morning with the rising sun...

Well, not so much. The sun was already overhead by the time I awoke. It's a beautiful day out today. I went for my walk, another three miles at 15 minute pace, then a slow 15-minute cool-down. I actually got to that zen-type place where I was walking and it felt absolutely wonderful. I remember feeling that way running cross country in High School, and it only happened a few times, but was great when it did. It was like I was flying. My body was in the groove, not complaining about any movement, and I just felt the sun on my face, the breeze on my skin, it was a fantastic way to start today.

Food log for yesterday:
breakfast: Smart Ones stuffed breakfast sandwich with 2% chocolate milk.
lunch: same but without milk
dinner: sirloin steak with mashed potatoes and 2% milk.
snack: small piece of sirloin. 2 smart one brownies.

Food log for today:
breakfast: see above

both days pounding water all day, like I have been for ever! Hope everyone is enjoying there day..

FGSO

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Certainly well rested.

Went to bed last night before 9pm. Woke up round 1230, back to sleep at 130 or so, woke up at 745, decided I really didn't have much to do that early, and went back to sleep till 1145. When I awoke well rested and in a good mood. AWESOME!

Then got a call regarding a job opening that I applied for tomorrow, during the call was told about a different job that may suit me better, so I applied to that one as well, but was told that if I don't get the second job, the initial job I called about was pretty much mine. It's not glamorous, but the initial salary is decent, and hell, it's only a temp job anyway before Israel, so not too much to really worry about.

After the job call, went running. Decided I'd try again. Not bad, definitely better this time than last, which I guess is the point. I won't be running long distances any time soon, nor in short times, but I will continue to run and improve. Step by step, right?

Now I'm eating a small breakfast then off to the VA. Gotta get some medications refilled. Then I guess I'll come back home and continue straightening up round here. Who knows? We shall see...

FGSO

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Food and Job prospects

Broccoli and Potatoes, Chocolate milk, lots of water. That's the food log so far for the day. I have spent the last little while sending out more resumes and applying for jobs online. I really need a job. If any of you out there can get me a job, or are in need of someone with my skill set (I have many skills, just ask) I would greatly appreciate it!

what a gorgeous day

Beautiful day here today. Slight breeze, bright sunshine, 60+ degrees out. I woke up, and decided a walk would be nice. 3 miles at 15-minute mile pace, then a nice cool-down and stretch. I feel pretty good today. I woke up at 1120, it's now 130, about to eat "breakfast" and then shower. Have some minor housekeeping issues to address for Cub Scouts, and a meeting tonight at 7, other than that, today is a free day (like all my other days are really busy) for me to get some things done.

FGSO

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

endorphins

good strength workout. quick, fast-paced, not too heavy weights, but good for the overall kick. Sitting here sweating and bout to take a shower. I feel much better right now than I have in the last few days. I know how much the activity releases the ol' brain chemicals to help stave off depression, but when I'm so depressed, the thought of any physical exertion is just not happening. I need to work on that, try and harness this post-workout aura each day so that I don't get that depressed. Anyway, shower time. I'll recap the food quickly:

didn't eat too much today: rigatoni with broccoli and chicken, 2% chocolate milk, lots of water, and probably something else before bed. The late food I will post in the AM. Speaking of the AM, once again would hope that I can wake up early and maybe make it to the VA for PRRC tomorrow. I wonder how that will work.

Week 12.

Today begins week 12. I am surprised at my weigh-in. I lost three pounds last week. I'm thrilled with that, but, also kinda have no idea how. I did not exercise at all, did not log my food, ate food I shouldn't have, ate more than I should, ate before bed, etc. etc. and I lost three pounds. Bout damn time doing the wrong thing has a good effect! Anyway, as you can see to the left, I am down 23 pounds, and have 4 pounds to go for my next goal, being another 5% of body weight.

Last week I was pretty depressed, and could not/did not bother to follow the workout and diet plan. I'm still depressed right now, but I am kinda a little motivated. The way I see it, these three pounds lost are a freebie, and I may as well get back on the horse, and work the plan hard this week, so as to build on that fat loss. We'll see how it goes. Right now, I'm sorta in crisis mode, where it is take things one step at a time/ one meal at a time, etc.

I did go out today and buy running shoes. And I RAN TODAY. Not far mind you, and certainly not fast. In fact, it was a very sobering and humbling experience, but I got out there and ran. Now I have running shoes and workout clothes for the semi-warm weather that we have, and no excuse not to step up my outside workouts.

I really would like to feel good when I wake up. Not depressed. Also would love to not feel pressured to not be depressed around my house. I feel like I am letting my dad down when I am depressed, and would really like him to understand that I have no control over it. But it's difficult for me to enunciate these things when I am feeling shitty, and I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Anyway, time to eat something for dinner. FGSO

Monday, March 15, 2010

Monday is for feeling crappy

Pretty depressed today. Been on and off for a while, now it is here with a freaking vengeance. I haven't exercised since tuesday, so this week is a waste. Wonder how much I gained. Not even sure that I care though.

Friday, March 12, 2010

friday five - 3/12/10

OK, so here's the Friday Five for this week:

1. Really noticed this week how different clothes are fitting me.
2. Received many compliments on how well I'm looking.
3. Hit the 20 pound mark, nice round number goal.
4. It helps every now and then to take a step back and reassess what is important.
5. It's just as important to step back and acknowledge how far you've come.

That's it kiddies, this is the Fat Guy, Signing Off.

mark today as a day off

I spent the day with my niece, we went out to eat, and then to the mall. I haven't spent a day with her in a long time, and it was nice. As it is for me though, I am tired and I don't think I am going to get a workout in tonight. I think I'm going to take today, and get back on track tomorrow, starting with a good intense strength workout, and then maybe a couple of miles walking at the VA.

I have been volunteering with Cub Scouts with my nephew, and just recently volunteered to take on more of a role there. I now have a lot to do there as far as planning and everything else. But it is something I enjoy so it gets me out of the house. Still trying to get a job, waiting on word from a couple of interviews. Working on college for the summer, in advance of going back to Israel for 5 months in the winter. So there are things on the table, but right now, the only day-to-day thing is Scouts.

So far, not one point in this post has had anything to do with my weight loss or exercise, but hey, sometimes it works like that. Thanks for stopping by.

FGSO

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

quickly becoming an issue

my body is rebelling against me. i think i've been lax in taking good care of myself, as evidenced in the fact that i am not sleeping well and not feeling well. also have not been eating the right things or other good maintenance things. so i think the whole100% in march idea is more trouble than it is worth. So today is the rest/recovery day in which my body will take the time to rebuild itself. or at least that's what I am hoping it will do. So here's to resting.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

nothing to worry about

I got my workout in. Short and sweet and exhilarating. Jumped up to a heavier weight with lower reps and shorter rest, done quicker and feeling better. Who knew?

Today I did the weigh in, like I said, and am now down 20 pounds, an average of 2 a week, as we begin week 11. To celebrate, I ate pizza today. Two grandma slices for lunch and fat kid had three pepperoni slices for dinner. That's probably why I was so lethargic when I got back here. Gotta not do that. Wasn't worth it.

I am succeeding in losing weight and getting in shape.
I am getting stronger and leaner.
I am regaining self-confidence in my appearance.
I will continue to follow this plan, knowing that the long-term results are worth it.
I will allow my discouragements to pass from my mind, confident that I am on the right path.
I will surround myself with people and things that are positive to my goals and outlook.
I will welcome others to celebrate my successes with me.

FGSO

100% in March in jeopardy

Spent the majority of today with my Best friend and niece and nephew. I'm tired and have no energy, and need to find some motivation down deep to get a workout in tonight. I did well on the weigh-in and lost another pound, so that's twenty total. Which is pretty sweet. Well, I really have to get this workout done. Aargh

Monday, March 8, 2010

going strong

today was another day for 100% in March. did some leg lifts, squats, dead lifts and lunges. also did biceps and shoulders and chest and triceps. so overall, a varied brief dumbbell workout. today is a scheduled rest day, so it was just to get something done. i don't usually skip around major muscle groups, but hey, whatever.

I do want to go off on a tangent for a while though, so indulge me. I am a Marine. I enlisted after September 11th. Before I enlisted, I was enrolled in ROTC at Tulane University. The Assistant Marine Officer Instructor there was a Gunny Gregory. Anyway, I dropped out of ROTC and Tulane, and in January of 2002 went to Parris Island, SC for Recruit Training. Once there, everything prior to me getting there seemed to disappear. I guess it was simply the immersion of recruit training, but there was a disconnect to the rest of the world. Toward the end of training, Gunny Gregory made a visit. As I saw him, it was like all of a sudden, the outside world existed again, that he represented a reality that was out there, not forgotten. I don't know if you understand what I'm saying, but I tell you this to relate what happened to me tonight. I attended a Cub Scout Training tonight, and a woman there named Georgina Riley was there. I knew the name, from somewhere in my past, but couldn't place it. Anyway, I spoke to her, and she knew my dad and my mom from back in the days before mom died and we were all in Scouting. It was a tangible connection - someone who knew my mom before she died. Knew who she was, what she was like. I never thought to really ask people what my mom was like. I was ten when she passed, but it never occurred to me that I might ask people who knew her what she was like. It tugged at my heart. I'm actually tearing up a bit right now. But tonight I felt this strong connection to my mom, and a sense that she would be proud of the man I have become. I miss her so much, and it was a precious gift to just have a connection to a time before she passed.

FGSO

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Keep on keeping on.

Walked around the neighborhood for an hour today. I did three hours at roughly a 15-minute mile pace, which is good. I am keeping my heart rate where it needs to be. However, I have a little headache right now, and am going to go drink more water and relax. Hope everyone enjoys the beautiful weather :)

FGSO

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Six days in

Today was a good strength workout. Went just a little heavier on the weight, enough to make it interesting without killing me. Feeling pretty good about the week as it has transpired. Went to the bagel meeting this morning, and enjoyed that. Had two and a half bagels for breakfast. Good stuff. Had half a hamburger and some mac and cheese for lunch. About to have some tuna for dinner. So overall, today's food log was good. Overall, this week's food log is great, with plenty of weekly points left, and plenty of activity points gained. Definitely feeling mellow from the workout and positive about my situation. Hope yall are doing well out there.

FGSO

Friday, March 5, 2010

The Friday Five

Still perfect in the month of March. Anyway, it's time for a new thing here at the Fat Guy Times. I give you: The Friday Five. Each Friday, I will run down a list of a couple (a couple... how about five) of things pertinent to my week gone by. Some might be humorous, some stupid, and some just out of left field. But there will be five and it will be on Friday. So, without further ado:

The Friday Five for March 5th. Five things I realized this week:
1. It's difficult to get along with family. But no matter what, they are family and I want them to continue to be in my life. I need to adjust to them, and accept them as they are.
2. I have found that it is easier lately to keep myself motivated.
3. Patience is a learned skill. I'm getting there.
4. I have a skewed self-image. I am overly critical of myself when I see pictures.
5. I have no doubt that I will lose all the weight i want to. I will achieve this goal.

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Enjoy.

FGSO

Thursday, March 4, 2010

three days in...

and three days of exercise. so far so good for March. Good cardio workout tonight, and also some core-strengthening exercises. I feel good and worn out, loving the endorphins right now. Anyway, today I ate quiznos, which while tasty and toasty, doesn't really have the rounded out nutrients and shit I should have. Oh well. I ended up sleeping in again, and then went to get food, and kinda lazed around the house until time for the Scout meeting. I had more quiznos after the meeting, and then exercised. In total today, I ate three alpine chicken sammies and two bowls of soup. So, while I may be exercising, the food intake is not pretty yet. But it will be. Small steps.


This is the Fat Guy, Signing Off.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

OK.

Well, back to 19 pounds lost. I went to the VA and after the weigh-in, I walked for another hour. I'm going to try to get some sleep soon. I am really tired, so I just wanted to check in over here.

Monday, March 1, 2010

the end of week 9, the start of a new month

So, after a horrendous month of February in which I exercised very little, and definitely came off my game, today started March, and ended week 9. I walked for over an hour at the VA today, and got my heart rate to a good spot for that amount of time. I went there after I woke up, and I just ate dinner. So the only thing I ate today is dinner so far. I had a cup of fat free chocolate milk as recovery after the walking, and then had 2 cups of 2% milk, mashed potatoes and steak for dinner. I ate too much at the sitting, but the meal itself is ok for today. I feel good about today's progress, and am in a better mood, more confident heading into week 10. Actually I feel great, really feel like I accomplished something with that walking, at a good brisk pace, which was also nice. I'm looking forward to this week, to tomorrow's weigh-in, and also to making March a much much better month than February was. Also, tomorrow marks 60 days, and I will be taking a new picture. We'll see how it looks.
Hope yall are doing well out there.