Saturday, July 31, 2010


Sorry I haven't posted. Wednesday through Friday were rough long tiring days at work in which I was totally bushed. I'll be around soon.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

two weeks in a row........YEAH!

Hot day at work today. But I got through it. Lost another pound this week! Really pleased with that. I'm really tired and am going to bed soon. Have a good one!

BTW: New goal on right is for 235.

Monday, July 26, 2010


Today was a fantastic day at work! A very active and at times boring day, but a fantastic day nonetheless. We'll talk about that in a moment. First, let's talk about my diet plan.

So far this week, I am doing well with the plan. I still have over ten points left for the weekly allotment, plus 10 points from activity. So, I'm doing really well there! Tomorrow is my weigh-in at the VA, so we'll see how the scale thinks I've been doing. I am pleased with my progress with the plan. I've gotten my meals all set up for work, and I am logging everything, so I know what I'm eating at all times. Hopefully the weigh-in will reflect my efforts.

As far as work, we worked at the brick patio again today, and we hauled roughly 2700 bricks today. That's two thousand seven hundred bricks. So I definitely got my activity today. I may have overextended my elbow, so I have some heat on it, but it's feeling much better right now, so I'm hoping it'll be fine.

That's about it from here. I'm feeling really good these last few days, both physically and mentally. I hope everyone out there is doing well.
Thanks for visiting!

Sunday, July 25, 2010


Inspired by the endless wheelbarrows full of mulch that I hauled on Friday...
(click thumbnail for large version)

Saturday, July 24, 2010


I've been sketching and drawing more lately, and I really like it. I forgot how much I enjoyed drawing. It's another outlet for me, and I am really happy I am doing it again.

Friday, July 23, 2010

i finished my first week at work!

So my first week of work at my new job is over! It was much more physically difficult than I expected, but I toughed it out. Today was actually a really good day, even though I worked my ass off. I lugged wheelbarrows full of mulch all morning, and then hauled bricks in the afternoon. It rained as well. Which wasn't too bad. Most of the day was overcast and breezy which was much nicer than hot and sunny.

Anyway, it's Friday and I am still rocking the diet plan this week. I'm pretty pleased with that. Other than all that, I'm gonna attempt to goto sleep, so that I can keep my body in that rhythm. Have a great weekend, yall.

Thursday, July 22, 2010


I was late to work this morning. I went to sleep last night early. TV was off at 1015 and I was asleep sometime after that. I woke up at 130 to use the head, because I was well hydrated. I went back to sleep and woke up again at 330. Then my alarm went off, and for some unknown reason, I turned it off and got back into bed. I woke up later when my dad called at 655 to apologize for not calling me earlier to wake me up. It wasn't his fault, and in fact, it was good that he called, because I was able to rush out of the house, and was only 15 minutes late to work. I don't think I'll be fired, even though it was a thought running through my mind. This morning was very bad for me mentally. After taking the correct prepatory steps to make sure I did well today - ie. drinking plenty of water so I was hydrated, making sure that my lunch was prepared and all, going to bed early - all of those steps went out the window when I got up and to work late. So I spent the majority of the morning silently suffering in my head.

When I get into a "funk," depression, bad mood, whatever you want to call it, I tend to curl up into a ball inside my mind, where my only thoughts are how I am a fuck-up and other not so nice demoralizing thoughts. And if I am not interacting with anyone verbally, I tend to get stuck in my mind, in a broken-record type chorus of how worthless and no-good I am, and well, I was in a pretty bad spot this morning mentally. However, I did start to get to know some of my co-workers who are also veterans, and talking about similar stuff, and realizing that noone really likes this job at first, and the physicality of it takes at least a week to get used to made me realize that I was not alone in my struggles.

Just that knowledge that what I'm going through is normal is a huge relief, a tangible connection to the real-world in which I am not as "crazy" or "worthless" as I may think at times. So, it was a good lift to the mind, and then the work we were doing changed, and I was able to be more involved and use some of my intelligence, which made me feel more important and needed, which also was a boost. After that, time pretty much flew by, and before I knew it, the day was over.

So here we are on a Thursday night, and tomorrow is the last day of my first week at this new job. Man, I thought about quitting all morning, and all morning Tuesday, and all day Monday. But right now, I'm happy I got through the day, and am working towards making it to work on time tomorrow and having a good day then as well.

Have a good night folks.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

day of rest and recuperation

So, after getting the shit kicked out of me by the weather on Monday, and feeling its effects well into Tuesday, today was a day off. Much needed. I go back to work tomorrow. I'm continuing to hydrate, and come hell or high water, I will be sleeping before 11pm. Did well again the last two days, watching what I eat and making sure I log it. So, two days down, five to go in this week.

Have a good one everybody!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

weigh-in after a good week!

Wow! Feels good to be back on the right track! Two things happened this week:

1. I made a huge effort to track all my food, which I did. While tracking my food, it allowed me to budget and make sure I only ate enough food according to the plan. This was successful on 4 out of 7 days! AWESOME!

2. I was very active this week, cleaning out the garage, starting work, painting the kitchen, etc. So that increase in my activity level was also AWESOME!

The net result! A seven pound loss. Way too much for a week if it was a consistent loss, but I'm looking at it as a kickstart to my system, and it should be the impetus for me to continue on the good path.

That's about it from here. I have to get going to the VA, gonna sleep there tonight to test out my CPAP machine. More on that some other time! Have a good night folks!

Monday, July 19, 2010

work work work

So, let's recap today's events, shall we?

Got woken up by the dog around 430 this morning and got back in bed for on and off sleep until my alarm went off around 545. Got up, packed the cooler, said goodbye to Dad, and went off to work my new job. Well, I work outside doing landscaping and maintenance, so I am at the mercy of the weather. Apparently I've forgotten all I ever knew about being prepared for the weather. Because, I went to work with only a t-shirt on, and it started pouring. Then, it cleared up and the sun came out for a 90-degree afternoon. And me with no sunscreen, cause like i said, I'm pretty stupid. So, I get some burn, I drink a LOT of water but am still dehydrated, and realize my body really doesn't like manual labor. But, I got through the day, and have been hydrating ever since. Plus I put aloe on the burns and have bought some sunscreen for tomorrow. Also got my boonie hat ready for tomorrow to protect the face and ears.

So here's to hoping that I'll wake up hydrated and ready to work, and that I use some of my knowledge and not act like an idiot who was delirious with sun today. Also, here's to hoping that it's a little cooler tomorrow. But, if not, I'll deal with it.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

work tomorrow!

so i start my new job tomorrow at 7am. that means i need to be sleeping pretty darn soon. i'm excited about working. a little nervous about how my body will handle it, but we shall see. can't change something that hasn't happened yet. anyway, i did some core strengthening exercises tonight, and plan on making that a nightly thing.

other than that, not much else to talk about. did good with the diet today, nowhere close to going over, hell, not even close to my allotment.

so on that note, it's time for me to sleep. hopefully.

have a great weekend everybody!

illustration friday

so, my friend Penny is involved with a thing called Illustration Friday.g I have started drawing again lately, and figured I would submit something for the first time. This week's theme is Breakfast. So, here goes:


dammit. i'm really not all that thrilled with myself right now. part of me is saying, it's not so bad. you've done really well, and to focus on what i have done right this week. which, is four days of following the plan, and today was fine until i ate just now. so, i have work to do, mentally. same as always. the thing is, that same part of me that says, ok, well you still did all right so far this week, that part, has a point. because, even though i just filled my face and screwed my week up, i was still honest enough to log the points accurately, and i still plan on logging the points tomorrow and monday. i'm upset with myself, but also, i've got an opportunity to fix it before the week is over.

oh well. just gonna learn from this mistake, and get back to basics tomorrow.

so much for that

i stayed up late now, it's almost 3am, and i just stuffed my face. so now my weekly points are gone, and i'm actually in the red. i may get out of this week with a zero balance if i exercise tomorrow and monday. here's to hoping that happens.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

well, it's still a good start

Well, first, Friday, I went over my points budget...but it was planned. I knew I had the weekly points to spare, and so Dad and I went out to Red Lobster for dinner. It was fantastic. Second, I did well today with points as well. So this week is still in the awesome column.

Also, I start work at my new job on Monday! It's a groundskeeping/landscaping thing at a local university. It's gonna be more manual labor, outside in the heat and crap, but that is great because it will help me continue losing weight. I am excited about it and think it should be a good job.

I spent quite a bit of time the last three days caulking and sanding and painting mouldings in my kitchen. And then today, I decided I felt like cleaning out the garage. It was the first time the garage has been cleaned out in many years. It was good to do. I'm not done, but it is certainly closer to what I would like it to be.

It's now 1210 in the morning and I think I'm going to bed. I've been going to bed earlier and waking up earlier, to get my body in the habit for working again.

Have a good one and thanks for stopping by!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

going for three...

It's looking good for today to be a third day in a row on the plan! I am about to eat (late i know, but it's been one of those days) and I have plenty of points left. Plus I was active today, doing yard work, and then spent a couple of hours painting in the kitchen, working up a sweat. I was really productive today! I also sent out my passport renewal, so that's off my mind. So, things are going well here.

two in a row!

I finished out yesterday with one point left. So, we're two days into this week and I have followed the plan to a T. I also have my 35 weekly point allotment that I have yet to dip into. So far, this week is going very well.

I saw the chiropractor again yesterday. My neck was hurting me from sleeping weird on it, so I went Monday morning and yesterday morning. It's feeling much better, but not enough that I want to risk it by exercising a little. So we'll see how tomorrow goes. I have another appointment then as well, so maybe I'll ask the doc, see what he thinks.

I am continuing the prep for my Israel trip. I have to send out my passport renewal, plus get some medical forms signed, so I might go out to the VA today, just to get out of the house for a bit.

Hope everyone is enjoying their day.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

so far so good

Food log for the day so far:

breakfast: 7 points - stuffed breakfast sandwich (5), bagel (1) laughing cow cheese (1)
lunch: 8 points - pepperoni pizza

lots of water and red tea (0 points)

purrdy good so far

food log for tuesday 13 july

I didn't overeat yesterday! I met my points total, and not a point over. So that's frickin fantastic! The last time that happened was ... yeah, so long ago I cannot even remember! So, yeah, I'm pretty excited about this. We'll see if we can't make it two days in a row...

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

big weight gain.

OK, so I gained 6 pounds since my last weigh-in, which was June 29th. I guess the barbeque and food I had on the Fourth of July weekend was not good, certainly not in addition to the overeating I did over the last two weeks. So now I know where I stand, and I get back on the horse. I went food shopping, and so I have the food I should eat, and that's gonna get me back on track. Just got to work the plan again.

getting things done

Today I'm staying awake instead of going back to bed. I woke up at 830, had some food (see below) and decided to do some cleaning around the room. I have started tackling the right side closet, going through some accumulated documents that at one time or other I decided were necessary to keep or had yet to examine them. So, upon todays examination, 90% of the stuff is garbage, and roughly 10% is actually stuff worthy of keeping. It's nice to get rid of stuff. It's like a brand new slate.

I'm about to get into a shower, to keep on the cleaning subject, and then I have an appointment in Yaphank to get to. Also, a weigh-in at the VA later on. We'll see how it goes.

Food Log:

morning: 6 oz. hebrew national bologna
gulden's spicy brown mustard
3 pcs rye bread
1.5 cans pepsi

yeah, it's not pretty, but it is fact.

Monday, July 12, 2010


shameless self-promotion: i've started drawing again, and I put some stuff on my other blog: The Flying Hamster of Doom: drawing some stuff

the days are flying by

I'm surprised it's already mid-July. It's gone by fast, and also, I've been doing nothing for the last two and a half weeks. Hopefully my new job will start this week.

Anyway, I am in the second phase of this 90-day program, and not doing so hot. In the first 30 days, I exercised 10 days. 30% - not too bad. However, I have yet to exercise in this phase. Tomorrow starts a new week, and a new weigh-in. Let's keep our fingers crossed that this one will go well. And if not, can't change it. I can only do the next right thing. That being said, tomorrow I am going food shopping. I have been eating crap because I didn't have my healthy alternatives, and so my lack of willpower kinda screwed me.

In any event, I am 85 days away from my trip to Israel, so I am psyched! I am trying to lock down plane tickets, but haven't decided on them yet. I may be able to get a layover in london or paris, but not sure about what I want to do. Feel free to leave some suggestions.

OK, that's it from here. Thanks for stopping by!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

I am terrified

I am terrified of losing my father. I am planning a trip abroad, and I have been going over flights and stuff. I wanted to go and talk to him about it, but, it being 430 in the morning, he was sleeping. I have PTSD and my mind seems to stay in the worst places, and I wondered as I often do, what I would do if my dad died. I should say when, but somehow if feels better. I can't stand the thought of him not being here. We don't talk about a lot of stuff together, I guess because I'm quite difficult to talk to. And I'm not the best at opening up with him. I want to work on that though. I don't want to think about what will happen if he dies, but I want to make sure that I tell him the things I feel about him and how much he means to me. I want him to know that no matter how much we may fight or I may get angry at him, I still love him so much and I hate that I hurt him. I called him a couple of nights ago when he was at work, and told him this, and we cried on the phone. I'm crying now typing this. I just wish I could be happy for him and be happy with him. With everything we've gone through, I just wish we could have some happiness with each other.

I love you Daddy.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

and what a fine morning it is, lassie

I've been up all night. I have gotten into a poor sleep schedule. And lately, I have been drawing, and then transferring onto the computer, and then spending all hours of the night learning how to use Photoshop. So, here we are at ten after seven, and I am wide awake. Truth be told I think I've only been up for about 14 hours, so it's really not surprising.

I have to head down to the DMV this morning to get some things squared away for my date with destiny come August. That should be fun. Today the weather should be mild, only about 85. Anyway, that's it from here.

hot and lazy week so far

So, I'm between jobs, waiting to find out when I start my next one, so there's nothing I need to do during the day these days. Plus, the last few days have been pretty hot out and I've decided that sleeping in a cool AC most of the day was what I wanted to do. Last week I worked out four out of 7 days, and that's not too bad considering it was the 4th of July weekend. This week, I have yet to exercise, and I didn't weigh in yet either. I am going to exercise tomorrow, probably inside, where it's not a thousand degrees. Tomorrow also is the Volleyball Workshop for the Cub Scouts, so that's something I can get out of the house and go do.

My dad and I put a drawing table together in my room, which is pretty sweet. I have started drawing again, and so it's a nice setup for me to be able to draw, but not lose any desk space for my computer and all.

Hope everyone is enjoying their days and it's not too hot.

Monday, July 5, 2010

the fourth of july

Had an absolutely fantastic Fourth of July this year. First time since my FIRST tour in Iraq in 2003 that I have been able to enjoy a fireworks display without thinking of Iraq. It's been a long time coming. I'm thrilled it's here.

Hope everyone enjoyed their's as well.

Friday, July 2, 2010

It's a great day for America, everybody.

I did another five miles today. I got some insoles for my shoes, which helped some. I also concentrated on changing my form and my landing while running, which helped a LOT. I felt like it took much less energy to run the same distance, plus of course, the added bonus of not hurting was great. So, I am pleased there.

As far as this weekend goes, I hope everyone enjoys the holiday.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Welcome to July.

I did five miles today! Roughly 2 miles ran, 3 walked. I am really pleased with how I fared. I'm getting used to the physical exertion, and the lungs are keeping up now as well. However, toward the end I really felt like I was landing too hard on my heels. Something is not right with my form, which isn't surprising. So I am gonna research it, and try some different things, and see how I can improve it. I'm making sure to stretch realllllly well before and after, to make sure I minimize the chance of injury.

Anyway, time for some food and water and a good shower.