I am terrified of losing my father. I am planning a trip abroad, and I have been going over flights and stuff. I wanted to go and talk to him about it, but, it being 430 in the morning, he was sleeping. I have PTSD and my mind seems to stay in the worst places, and I wondered as I often do, what I would do if my dad died. I should say when, but somehow if feels better. I can't stand the thought of him not being here. We don't talk about a lot of stuff together, I guess because I'm quite difficult to talk to. And I'm not the best at opening up with him. I want to work on that though. I don't want to think about what will happen if he dies, but I want to make sure that I tell him the things I feel about him and how much he means to me. I want him to know that no matter how much we may fight or I may get angry at him, I still love him so much and I hate that I hurt him. I called him a couple of nights ago when he was at work, and told him this, and we cried on the phone. I'm crying now typing this. I just wish I could be happy for him and be happy with him. With everything we've gone through, I just wish we could have some happiness with each other.
I love you Daddy.