Wednesday, January 12, 2011

jaded.

so i'm realizing there are more in-depth reasons as to why I am asocial. As I wade back into the social world, I find that the judgments I make on people are harsh, and mirror a jaded perspective. I have been working to put those snap-judgments to the side and get to know people more, and see if I was right, or if I was way off base. I have no problem being proved wrong. That's because most of my snap-judgments are cynical and look at people in the worst ways. So when I'm wrong normally it is because the person I misjudged is actually a good person and is a good thing to have in my life.

Recently, I have been reevaluating some friendships and I have come to the conclusion that on one, I was dead wrong. In the last week, all the things I believed about this person have been turned around. And another friend, who I thought I misjudged, and was better than the person I believed, well, it turns out that that snap-judgment was pretty damn on the mark.

There's a lot of factors at play here. Jealousy at the attention of women toward a friend. Jealousy because I might have had interest in said woman. Disappointment in the friend in which I invested my time and my trust in. The idea that the time I invested and the advice I gave was all an utter waste of my time and energy.

I'm sure there's more, and this post probably doesn't make much sense. But I write as it comes, and rarely does my thought process proceed linearly. Especially when I am trying to figure this shit out.

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