Thursday, January 13, 2011

of reflections and reevaluating.

I'm not sure now how much I have to be angry about. I think the situation was a conflagration of many things happening at once. I was already standoffish with my friend for a bit before this incident, on account that he was leaving, and I already spoke about my issue with goodbyes. Then add the jealousy, which in all honesty is more than I would like to admit, and stir that in with the actual events that took place, and well, you get the previous three posts. I should state that I know, and understand now, that nobody took any action in any way with the intent of hurting me. So, I understand that and am reflecting on why exactly I reacted the way that I did.

First off, the statement of "Jealousy because I might have had interest in said woman." is simply that. I might have interest in her. However, I did not profess this to my friend, and so anything that did or did not happen really has nothing to do with me. I let my jealousy eat me for a bit, and it really allowed the crap that is in my head to bubble over, creating shit where no shit had been. 

I don't say this because I feel that I was creating something out of nothing. There's something there that I am upset about. But truth is, I'm not sure quite what right now. I do know that disappointment is a huge part of it. Disappointment in his actions, and disappointment in the attention given to him. But, that is something I will deal with. I'm processing, and it'll work itself out. I just need time to reflect.

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