Tuesday, January 11, 2011

sensitive

I am sensitive. About a lot of things actually. I guess it started out years ago after my mom died. I've written before about how the death of my mom made me "different" than everyone else. I don't think I have ever felt the "same" since then. I have never felt that I was really a part of the crowd, no matter who the crowd was or what they were doing. I've never really liked making fun of other people nor being made fun of. Even if it's done jokingly I get hurt and it's just not cool. But I have this facade that I have built that makes it seem that these types of things don't bother me. Hell, look at the title of this blog. It is sarcastic, but it's really not at the same time. I find myself so self-conscious about my weight, and at the same time I hate myself for feeling this way. I make self-deprecating sarcastic remarks only as a shield so that if someone else says something I can laugh it off in front of people. But what people don't see is that I really do get hurt and it sucks.

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