Tuesday, March 15, 2011

i'm baaack!

I returned to Israel tonight. I'm so thrilled to be back! It was Tuesday, so we all went to Pigal for another round of "Bad Decision Tuesday™". It was awesome. It was definitely what I missed when I went back. We returned to the apartments and played durack in my old apartment. (I moved into a different appartment this time around). It was a great night!

However, now, it's 335am local Israeli time. And I am a little drunk, and a little jet lagged, and it's now time to be unsure of whether I should have returned. I don't say this as if I decided I wanted to wonder, I say this as an acknowledgement of where my mind has decided to go right now. Even after having a great night with my friends, friends who welcomed me back and were genuinely glad for me to be here, I am still plagued by self-doubt and prophecies of doom. I don't know why my mind goes there. But it does.

So I'm here to cut the thought process with a dose of logic: I returned home and wanted to come back right away. I loved LOVED my time here and wanted to continue it. I missed my friends, and they missed me. I have returned to a place that I enjoyed immensely, and am surrounded by people who genuinely missed me, which is amazing. I have an opportunity to spend another five months here and have a great time all over again. There is NO reason for self-doubt and worry. No reason to think that this was a bad decision. This is where my recovery continues. This is where it happens. Good, bad or indifferent, this is where I am because I took a chance and decided it was worth it. If it doesn't work out, then that's that. But I can look back and know that I tried. I lived. I put myself out there. And I'm committed to this.

It's going to be a great five months.

1 comment:

Max Mosley said...

Amazing post, so happy to see your optimism in full stride and jealous you're there with all of our good friends. Have the time of your life!