so i returned to ashdod last night. the vacation in greece was amazing. it taught me something, which is double sided: 1.) while the rockets and shit have fucked me up, i can still be happy and enjoy myself. 2.) i was able to be happy and enjoy myself because i knew that there wasn't a rocket about to land on my head in greece, which is something i cannot say about being here right now in ashdod.
it's been eleven days since the last rocket attacks from gaza. i dread being here. waiting for the next attack. speaking to my israeli friends, everyone accepts that this is the way of life, and if i allow the attacks to change my life, the terrorists achieve their goal. to a point, that makes sense. to a point. for me, it makes no sense. if the attacks continue, or hell, even if there is not another attack, i am still feeling the emotional effects of the attacks, and it has impacted my psychological health. and will continue to impact my psychological health unless the situation is changed.
people at the VA have said I should come home, or at least move out of ashdod, where the threat of fiery death from above is not present. i don't quite know what i am going to do, or how to have that be implemented.
i realize that this post sounds overly dramatic. it sounds as if i am fixated and terrified of rockets falling everywhere and all the time. well, i am. i've had more than my fair share of this. i'm done.
tell me the last time YOU heard a siren signaling incoming? heard the impact of a rocket? saw the smoke from the impact area? assembled with your roommates in a bomb shelter?