so i've been without a job since i returned home from israel. i haven't been sleeping right and all that so that even if i did, it would be really difficult to do. but i digress. i have been sending out resumes left and right and applying everywhere i can. and i have no job. there are a little more than 7 weeks before i leave for albany. i have no money right now other than my disability and it's got me a bit stressed. more than a bit really.
speaking of albany, i had a degree audit done today and it looks like they'll accept 56 of my credits for transfer. which is - well, it really doesn't do much for me either way apparently. they all will count as electives, rather than fulfilling any major or minor requirements. which means, really, no matter what major i declare, i start from scratch. that is kinda freeing in the sense that i can decide whatever i want to study. but that is the problem i think. i cannot conceive of what i want to do with my life. when i was 18 and starting at tulane, the idea was graduate college and become a marine officer. it didn't matter if i majored in underwater basket weaving, the degree was necessary for the commission. well, 12 years later, i have no idea what i want to study, in regards to what i'd like to do with my life. i have no view of what i'd like my life to be after i graduate college. what i'd like to do, where i'd like to be. no idea. so how the hell can i declare a major right now?
the reason this is a problem now, rather than say, when i graduate, is because i need to make some sort of plan for graduating. it's a requirement before i register for the semester. it's a good idea. more so because i have only 36 months of gi bill to use. so i really cannot afford to dilly dally around and not have a plan.
on the other hand, maybe i am just letting all the financial stuff weigh me down right now. i mean, if i look at it a certain way, i only have one student loan, for $3500, which represents 56 credits towards graduation. it's not that much, so taking another loan if i had to isn't too bad.
ah, fuck. i just don't know.
ps. if anyone is in the long island, ny area and is looking to hire someone who is decently intelligent, and mildly brain damaged, or just has extra money they want to give to me, let me know.