Saturday, August 27, 2011

settled, almost

well, i can report that i have not had another panic attack. so that's good. i've also purchased 99.95% of the crap i need here for the apartment. i think i have to purchase one more book for class, and then that's done. i also need school supplies, but i won't buy them until after the first day of class.

i have yet to be social, which means i have yet to really meet anyone new except for my roommates. so that's something that is in need of change. i don't know why i don't do it...ok, thats not true. i'm not social because its not something i am really comfortable with still. so i avoid doing it and the uncomfortableness that comes with it. i guess we'll have to wait for the loneliness to overpower the uncomfortableness, or, you know, until i grow a pair and say fuck it, i'm gonna meet some people.

so, when i started the fall semester at LSU back in '08, there was a hurricane within the first two weeks. i ended up dropping out of that semester, so let's hope the outcome is different this time. (not that i really equate anything to do with the hurricane as the reason i dropped out.)

arghh. i'm bored.

Thursday, August 25, 2011


it took until now to get my sheets and mattress pad dry. and the damned mattress pad barely fits and already ripped. so that was a grrrrrr moment. but the bed is made, the apartment is squared away for anyone to arrive tomorrow. i am now going to take my ambien and drift away to a medication induced slumber. and wake up refreshed and ready to face the day tomorrow!

that's the plan. that's my story, and i'm sticking to it.

nite yall.

like a video game

finding my way around campus (really, only about 200 feet) is like first starting out in a new world on a video game, like zelda or what, where you have a map, but it's all black. but once you start to head in a direction, you can see more of the map, and you have landmarks and stuff to get back to your start point. interesting, no?


i had a meal, my first in the new apartment. on a fat guy food logging note, it was a deli sliced chicken and american cheese sandwich on white bread with mustard. had some pepperoni pizza combos with it and orange juice and peach iced tea.

i know, all the excitement and unpredictability around here is too much.

i feel better after eating. i just cut up the cardboard for recycling and bagged up the trash. which i will now attempt to take out at 3am, finding the dumpsters should be fun.

scary thoughts as they come

kinda in the beginnings of an anxiety attack. so i took my meds, and i am going to use this blog for one of its actual purposes: be an outlet for my craziness. so there will quite probably be many short posts tonight.

i don't know if i can do this. i don't mean academically. i mean socially. i am back in that crippling mindset that i am not equipped for this. i'm in my room by myself and unpacking. i'm realizing that i am here a day early because i like things set up my way. i am quite 'set in my ways' and it makes me feel like i am 50 and that i have no business being anywhere near a place where kids in their early 20's roam.

i'm trying to drag up the comforting reality of my situation, that i am ready for this, that my time in israel has proven this, but it's really just half-assed. i'm kinda wallowing in this.

this sucks.

more to come, and hopefully we can all watch the slow digging out of this hole.

"yeah, but i've been down here before, and i know the way out."

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

time to be going...

so it's about 9 hours away from my desired time to depart. I'm packing, but in all honesty, nowhere close to complete. Also, for some reason, I'm just not all that motivated to pack. I think I may be having a minor anxiety attack. I'm not sure. I'm trying to push through it.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

good weekend

spent some time with friends this weekend, went to a bar, played some pool. overall it was great. tomorrow begins my last week of work, and i am scheduled to move to albany on the 24th. ten days! really really excited about it.

i spoke to some friends from israel last night that i haven't spoken to in a while, it was nice to catch up.

things are going well, i need to keep momentum going and get everything started - which means a general cleanup of my room, beginning to pack and set up other things i need, and basically start transitioning to get out of town.

i got my brakes done on my car yesterday, which needed to happen for a while. and tomorrow morning i am bringing my car in for a tune-up, so everything will be square for the drive up.

i bought a new phone yesterday, switching out my thunderbolt for a droid x2. still playing with it and loading all my stuff.

other than that, things are AWESOME. hope yall are doing well too.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

still here, making the best of it

well, i'm still going. the days have mostly been good, considering the time of year. i leave for college in about ten days. i'm really excited about it! work has been really good, i'm getting a lot of stuff done and getting experience and knowledge along the way, which is rewarding.

there's quite a bit of stuff i have to start doing. this coming week is my last full week of work. so i need to tie up all the loose ends there. i also need to clean my damned room and do laundry and all that good stuff to be able to move upstate.

along with the randomness of this post, i got a haircut today.

hopefully i will again start blogging regularly. it's just that i have been way too busy with work. (in other words, not having anything of a life with interesting things to say)

Thursday, August 4, 2011

not doing so well

this is a shit time of year all around, for the next 2 months really. yesterday marked the 6th anniversary of my best friend's death, as well as two other Marines I served with. the 28th of this month my Nana passed away in '99. September 4th was a pretty fucked up day in Iraq, attacked from all sides in Hit. September 11th needs no more explanation, and a week later my Mom passed away in 1991. October 15th was her birthday, and the day my grandfather passed away in 2003. so i'm just trying to keep my head above water right now.