Thursday, August 25, 2011

scary thoughts as they come

kinda in the beginnings of an anxiety attack. so i took my meds, and i am going to use this blog for one of its actual purposes: be an outlet for my craziness. so there will quite probably be many short posts tonight.

i don't know if i can do this. i don't mean academically. i mean socially. i am back in that crippling mindset that i am not equipped for this. i'm in my room by myself and unpacking. i'm realizing that i am here a day early because i like things set up my way. i am quite 'set in my ways' and it makes me feel like i am 50 and that i have no business being anywhere near a place where kids in their early 20's roam.

i'm trying to drag up the comforting reality of my situation, that i am ready for this, that my time in israel has proven this, but it's really just half-assed. i'm kinda wallowing in this.

this sucks.

more to come, and hopefully we can all watch the slow digging out of this hole.

"yeah, but i've been down here before, and i know the way out."

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