Saturday, September 10, 2011

week 2: recap

well, this week has certainly been much better than the first. (really though, there's not many ways that you can make a worse week than my first here in Albany). so, having driven home tuesday morning, my last post was early tuesday. I went to my counseling center appointment that morning, but then crashed and slept through my computer class. however, that is definitely a good thing inasmuch as that was the only class that i missed this week. i also found out that, i really haven't missed anything in that class. i participated well in my other classes as well.

my hebrew class continues to give me stress and disappointment. i'm nowhere near as good as i want to be, and it is difficult.

but, all in all, everything is a lot better right now.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

let's see how week 2 of college goes...

i spent the weekend on Long Island. I had a massively poor first week, and while talking to my brother on the phone Friday, he asked me if I needed him to come over. I realized that I did, and he made the drive right away from Boston. We spent the night playing guitar and watched a movie. Then the two of us drove down to LI on Saturday for a surprise birthday party for my sister. She had no idea of the party, nor that the two of us would be there. (The three of us haven't been together for a birthday celebration for her in years, she was really happy). I rested Sunday, we had a family meal and had cake for my brother's birthday, which was about a week ago. Monday I took some time to see my niece and nephew, which I wasn't able to do before I traveled here two weeks ago. During the weekend, I got organized with school supplies and schedules and started catching up on my reading for class.

It was good to get away for the weekend. I really was overwhelmed and felt out of my depth here after the first week. I had really good support from my friends, both online, over the phone or in person, and I am eternally grateful and lucky to have them.

Now it's on to week two here at Albany. Here's to hoping that it gets a little easier this week.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

not doing so well (haven't we heard this post title before?)

so, i think i have been in an extended anxiety/depressive episode since tuesday. i haven't been able to sleep properly the last two nights and have been anything but productive. i didn't make it to my VA appointment today nor to my class. this is not a good thing. just don't know what to do.

tea

i'm sitting in my room, drinking chamomile tea with lavendar, lemon and honey. i like tea. i learned to drink tea with one of my good friends, Philip. I am hoping that it calms me down and allows me to get to sleep. this is the second day in a row that i am having difficulty falling asleep. last night i couldn't sleep at all so i stayed up and went to my first three classes. i attempted a short nap before my last class and ended up sleeping five hours. which surely accounts for one of the reasons the body isn't actually all that physically tired. but in addition to that, my mind is anxious and on edge. i now missed a class, and we're not even through the first week. also, today was a rough day in hebrew, very humbling in which i learned that i am not as good a speaker as i thought. (giving credit where it is due, there are 5 or 6 israelis in the class. so it's not really a good measuring stick)

i am attempting to use my awake time productively, ie i am organizing my room, and trying to set up a system in which to study and work without my desk looking like a sandstorm just blew through.

there is an issue with the server since the hurricane, and i am going to be on the phone working on it in the morning (assuming i sleep, the phone call will wake me - if not, i'll be waiting for the call) i only have one class at 415, so its not a big day. i really don't like the class impression i got tuesday. and honestly, i got up and left early anyway. so i don't know what to make of it.

anyway, i am actively fighting the depression and passively allowing the anxiety to take over. ain't that some shit.