So, I've been doing better the last two weeks or so. Feeling decent. Today was different.
I realize now that "decent" isn't a feeling, it's not an emotion. I'm starting to feel again. Today, I felt sadness and loss. I mean, no-shit really felt. I started crying heavily in my car on the way home from class. I was listening to a song, and my mind went places, and I started to cry. I tried t stifle it at first, but realized that I needed to feel emotions again, even those emotions that are uncomfortable to feel.
I'm not up to going into detail on what prompted me to cry. I just wanted to say I felt something today.
It's a good day.